[personal profile] waywardh
... this was posted on the yahoo group for the event:

1. If you live anywhere near an industry that produces toxic waste
of an unknown type, don't just sit around, move to a different town!
This toxic waste will eventually somehow contaminate the area and
turn everyone but you into cannibal zombies.

2. Do not read from any books written in blood and bound in human
skin, or listen to any tapes made thereof. This has a tendency to
cause zombies to appear.

3. If you pick a place to hide out, make sure that there are no dead
people already inside, since they will eventually become zombies and
attack you.

4. Don't try and reason with any zombies, just run. They may appear
to be paying attention to you, but that is because they are actually
trying to gauge the quickest way through your skull.

5. Don't use a blunt instrument if you have to fight zombies. This
will only break a bone or two and make them mad. Projectile weapons
are the most effective (but only if you can consistently hit the
brain). Otherwise, chainsaws and lawnmowers have been known to work
in a pinch.

6. If any of your friends die, don't just let them lie there
(assuming that there's anything left). Make sure and shoot them in
the head. Otherwise, they will rise again and somehow find you later
when you least expect it, and you'll have to shoot them in the head
then anyway.

7. If you are trapped by zombies with someone that you don't get
along with, keep a close eye on that person. Experience has shown
that conflict within a group of defenders can provoke irrational
actions, leading to the demise of one or more of the group.

8. While trapped inside a building by zombies, don't go near the
windows, even boarded up ones. The zombies will stand outside moaning
quietly to themselves until you are right by the window, and then
they will suddenly punch through it and grab you. The other zombies
will try and distract you by pounding on the doors and walls, and
saying "Braaaaaains".

9. If you have to run through a crowd of zombies, don't get too
confident just because they have limited brain power and move slowly.
Zombies have a death grip (no pun intended), and if you get too close
to one, you'll regret it.

10. If you're trapped in a farmhouse by a zombie horde, don't just
sit there waiting for rescuers. Use your spare time to make a big
sign that says "DON'T SHOOT ME, I'M HUMAN!" so that said rescuers
don't make a mistake when they see you.


Made me laugh.
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waywardh

January 2013

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