waywardh | Harry! I found it!

Humans and Demi-Humans, of the Gathering of '98.

Join the Vipers.

If I could offer you only one tip for the Gathering,
joining the Vipers would be it.
The long-term benefits of The Vipers have been proven by Dark Incanters,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis
more reliable than my own Gathering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and majesty of your King.
Oh, never mind.
You will not understand the power and majesty of Gustav until he is gone.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photo's of Kingy and
Recall in a way you can't grasp now how much purple lay before you,
and how fabulous he really looked. He is not as bald as you imagine.

Don't kill other Vipers.
Or kill them, but make sure that finding out who did it is as
difficult as trying to get a half-orc to solve algebra equations.
The real killers at the Gathering are apt to be
things that never crossed your worried mind,
the kind that mug you at 4am on some idle Sunday.

Do one ritual every day that scares you.

Mug.

Don't be reckless with other people's lammies.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Drink.

Don't waste your time worrying about the Dragons.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The battle is long and, in the end, it's only with the Bears.

Sell your soul to Golgamoth.
Forget the disadvantages.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old character cards.
Throw away your old prosthetics.

Heal.

Don't feel guilty if you haven't joined a guild yet.
The most interesting people I've met didn't know at 150 what guild they wanted to join.
Some of the most interesting 300 hundred year olds still don't.

Get plenty of water.
Be kind to your kidneys.
You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll fight, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll cast spells, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll take a fatal at night,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your enemy's grave.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much,
or berate yourself either.
Your choices are ignored by the plot team.
So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your half-orcs.
Use them every way you can.
Don't be afraid of them,
or of what other people have done to them.
They are the greatest slaves you'll ever own.

Muster, even if you have nowhere to do it but your faction leader's tent.

Get involved in the plot,
even if you don't understand it.

Hang around with lots of half-orcs,
they will always make you look beautiful.

Get to know your ambassadors.
You know they'll die horribly in the night.
Be nice to the Greenskins.
They're your best route to lots of beer,
and the people most likely to be in front of you at the battle.

Understand that friends die and come back,
but with a precious few, you should hold on.
Work hard to keep their limbs attached,
because the older they get,
the more their bodies decay and bits fall off.

Live in Teutonia once, but leave before it makes you undead.
Live with the Unicorns once, but leave before they have you sucking goats.
Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths.
The Tarantulas will betray you,
the Bears will get drunk,
and you too will become undead.
And when you do, you'll fantasise,
that when you were alive,
the Tarantulas were honourable,
the Bears were sober,
and the living respected the undead.

Respect your undead.

Don't expect anyone else to like you.
Maybe you were once a Dragon.
Maybe you were once a Bear.
Now you're a Viper,
you never know when they'll come looking for you.

Don't mess too much with Shagnasty,
or by the time your 20,
you'll look like you're 60
and have been run over by a troll.

Be careful whose magic rock you take,
but be cruel to those who stole it.
Fake rocks are a form of revenge.
Giving them back is a way of lulling the enemy into a false sense of security,
winding them up,
putting them into a dangerous situation,
and then laughing so hard it hurts.

But trust me on the Vipers